It's been a while.

Heya folks,
        So it has been WAY too long, yes I know. I am blaming the crazy life of yours truly. I was able to get on here and @ least see what is going on with every ones minds and in so many ways be reminded of a lot of things as well.

        Samhain was CRAZY this year. We didnt have a normal spiral clan rit. so I ended up organizaing an open circle ritual for some folks here in southern, Oh. Most of them are students in the clan, friends of the clan, and the like.  One of my students has been continually talkign to me about one of the locals in her town who was just getting involved in the craft, and really wanted my contact information. At some point in time this woman, again new to the craft, wanted me to break off of Spiral Clan and go with her and a few of my students to form a new coven, this woman had never met me, and well.... the clan is my family so not a shot in hell! Anyway, so my student kept telling me, "Devin, if I ever sounded like this woman when I started you should have shot me!" to which I laugh because she did come to us in a state of.... well.... GRAND confusion would be the best way to put it. :) So we have an open circle, non-traditional, very universal, and I figured, well, why not invite this lady to ritual, it will be at least an interesting evening, and being as she has no experience in ritual, it will be a good experience for her.

          So we set up THE MOST BEAUTIFUL altar, all of the cauldrons had dry ice in them, we used a fog machine... very esthetic. This woman shows up and I'm in the ritual room setting up, and the hair on the back of my neck stands straight up! And I can just hear my guides laughing at me,lol. So I walk into the room, get introduced, and shake the woman’s hand and instantly just fealt like I should be leaving the building... major eww vibes. But I stayed, and simply went off to the side and announced to the universe that if this woman really had no business within the circle, let her learn what she needs to learn and be gone. Well, needless to say, 2 hours of meditation later, and right at 11:30 her husband shows up and starts a scene! I am in the middle of my invocation and the bastard starts slamming on doors, and wigging out in the front yard! Screaming "you whore, get your fucking ass home, what are you doing in there? I tried calling a million times, etc.etc.etc." Ok SO the Macha in me is trying not to go looking for blood, and the priest in me is trying to keep it all together and not break focus too much. THEN she starts running around the house, breaks my circle, and just loses it. So, yes I felt sympathy for this woman, but YES that sympathy was out weighed by sheer anger and resentment. So, after we calmed down and the chick left, ritual went off with out a hitch. NOTHING LIKE THAT has EVER HAPPENED! BLAH.

The Book
             The book is really strained at the moment. My comp crashed and the book went with it about 2 weeks ago. I was able to finally get it off my hard drive, and a pretty nice upgrade for my computer but I still lost a lot of the edits and things I was working on, so its almost like the past 2 months have been for not. EEERRRR This book has taken me 2.5 years to write, 2 publishing attempts, and here we go again? My deadline is Dec.1st and im a nervous wreck. I still have to juggle the great day job, and the clan, and the new site (CHECK IT OUT and getting together the 2009 tour.... lol, I love all of it I really do but SHEEEEEESH! Things will calm down in December, and my birthday is Dec.7th so I plan on being completely messed up and numb all weekend! YAYE Tequila!

The election
                I am SO HAPPY that there is going to be change in the nation, even if it is going to cost a pretty penny, and we are going to have to really work our asses off as a country to achieve this. I feel very excited about what this new chapter in our nation is going to bring to us as a people. I felt very elated to find out that Obama did in fact receive overwhelming support from not only our nation but others as well, I think the entire world is fed up with Bush's shit! I am glad Sarah Palin wont be anywhere near the oval office for now, the woman scared the ever living shit out of me. All in all, regarding the presidential race I feel very happy and optimistic. As for the issues passed against homosexuals I am really almost in tears over. I don’t know what to think about it all any more. It is a strange feeling when you look at a country that you love and are a member of its people who sees so much potential in that country, and you know that that country doesn’t support you. All I can think about is that there is a separation of church and state and why the hell cant our country remember that? I feel that I am a tax paying citizen, I am an educated member of society, and just because I sleep with men does not mean that I am a second class citizen. As much as this country needs its homosexuals it has a funny way of showing gratitude. I am way tired form working all day but let me share this with you:

               My step father is a balls to the wall, hardcore republican, who thinks that we are all in for a civil war at any moment. His major concerns rested with gun control and oil, and couldn't give a shit about the diminishing middle class to which he is a part of. We ended up getting into a heated discussion about gay marriage and gun control. I could care little about gun control and he doesn’t want gays to marry, it ended in us screaming at each other: "I don’t think you should have the right to get married!" and I responded with "I don’t think you should have the right to have a fucking gun!" 

              My point with all of this is that when he screamed, "I dont think YOU should have THE RIGHT to get married" I instantly fealt like a second class citizen. And then it hit me, as a people how prone are we to feeling as though we need to feel superior to another human being. If we let our differences get in the way, than there can never be true equality. For example, White men have done it for centuries to black men and red men, hell white people have always by nature been told by society that they are better, even if it isn’t spoken  out loud, they are still given those impressions. So my question is, Do straight people feel superior to homosexuals? Even if we know that isn’t the case, is it possible that the need for superiority has out bested our own common sense? In a time of great stress on a population, which we have been going through for some time now, is it only natural that minorities and groups such as homosexuals are repressed by the ruling populous, because the populous needs to feel superior? If that IS the case, than if we never thought that a black person, ok he is milatto, could become president, because for so long African Americans were considered to be less than equal to the white Anglo Saxon majority, could become president, and it happened, than hold on to your knickers boys because we WILL be getting hitched!

I love you guys, keep in touch!

Retrograde Smetrograde

A few weeks have gone by and some incredible changes have happened. I have been blessed with these changes really. I have officially decided to move. I know your not suppose to make these decisions during a retrograde but , I only made it official during a retrograde. J In the beginning of March I will be moving about 150 miles north to just outside Columbus, Ohio. This is a good move for me, My future coven is in Black Lick Ohio, which is rather close. My clan sister and best friend Heather lives very close to where I am planning on moving, and ultimately I will be in a much more magically accepted and supportive environment. I will be moving up with a very old friend of mine, and we are looking at houses and condos. Our place will be FABULOUS. This of course means I will have to work much much harder but, I need this move. My book should be coming out this year, and if it doesn’t I may just go to the nut house….lol. J 2009 Is going to be a big year for me. I’m excited.

I plan on stepping up my festivals this year, adding at least 2-3 more. I am nervous about it, but I need the publicity and well ultimately the money. I got fed up this past weekend and got irritated with my self because I feel so cliché – The gypsy- cant stay put for very long, lives off of his mystical abilities…… REALLY? I truly have become a modern representation of my ancestors. Although the time of Vardos and Bender tents is over…… I really must say IM A GYPSY! Lol. The next few months are truly going to be high stress for me. The book- the move- and going back to school. We don’t have enough educated pagans…… Although I will say I’m switching majors yet again… Sheesh I’m never going to be out of school.

I decided I was fed up with a lot of the BS surrounding our lives. The BS tends to help the mundane become overwhelming. So I am invoking the spirit of change, setting new goals, and plan on seeing many things through. Life is great.

I am looking forward to seeing Christopher in May, he will be at my sister’s store in Newark. I so wished I would have gotten a chance to speak to him more, I have a feeling we will hit it off. I kinda see him as an every-day hero for the modern craft movement. You know, its funny BTW really allowed me to meet a lot of our modern motivators Christopher, Storm, Allaric. I LOVE IT! I met these guys and I fell in love with them! Not in a creepy I worship you way but the Gods, you smart people and we need more of that. Any way really looking forward to hanging out with Christopher. You know I met all these really cool guys and I consider them friends…. I hope they see me that way. I dunno….. I’m getting side tracked.

I love my life, and I am blessed to be here… I’m just grinning and baring yet another time of crazy change.

Musings of the Ill.....

So today we still had no power @ the house...... 7 days.... no power. That makes almost two weeks since I have seen electricity in a place other than this damn office! So I was asleep part of the day, and bored off my ass the rest of it. I suppose I could have done something useful with all the time on my hands but instead I just ended up laying in bed staring @ the ceiling and thinking about the most random things.......

Like for instance. Why is it that cats have whiskers? What evolutionary advantage does having whiskers have? I know that we have eye lashes to keep stuff out of our eyes, same for eye brows, but is it a safe comparison to add whiskers to that possible equation?

Amber and Jet are the stones that signify a third degree gardnerian. BUT Shuvhanis and Shuvanhos (Gypsy witches) use the same Amber and Jet to display there status. So even though I dont have my gardnerian third degree, does that mean that its not right to wear the stones of my people? I mean I am a Shuvhano, and more than likely -correct me if I'm wrong here- due to lelands and gardners relationship the third degree amber/jet combo was probably barrowed from the Rom culture........ Hmmmm...... I guess it doesnt matter too much I will have my third degree in a few short weeks..... just kinda gets under my skin.

I was looking at this bottle of Queen Helens mint masque and it said 'Now 33% more!" and I thought..... how random of a number is 33 % more? Why not 25%.... its more common and less random..... I dunno.

So at one point in time today I thought I was dealing with the black death minus the fleas. I was wondering who was going to get all the work done I needed to get done in case of my death, realizing that although I may feel like death no one was going to do the work so I better not keel over as of yet. On the flip side of things...... I did get "Baby, Baby" by amy grant randomly lodged in my head today- And then I was wishing for death. Live Journal = addictive.

Getting Ill

Its friday......... I love that its Friday. I am still exhausted from BTW, as soon as I left I had a variable shit storm of work to do, and now I think I am getting sick. Hardly sleapt the past few nights. I keep comming in and out, having weird dreams about far off places.... def. an out of body experience. So for the past two nights my mind and soul have taken off- not restful at all. Last night was particularly bad, I got at least 10 hours of down time, but I would venture to say I only was soundly asleep for about 3 of those 10 hours.

We still dont have any electricity at the house so I managed to boil some water on a camp stove so I could take a bath last night. The water was luke warm..... lol.... Gods I feel like I am in some third world country. I havent seen a television on in over 2 weeks, and not that I am a big tv watcher but the noise helps me sleep. Any way so no showers for me, just luke warm bath water boiled over a camp stove, cold nights, and now I think I am sick..... I hate being sick! Which means my Mabon will be spent curled up in my bed trying to muster up the strength to get the house clean, find the spare candles.... I am a big 'ol witch so I have plenty of them.... some where, reading a book and transitioning off the the land of sleep, I am the worst sick person. When my body feels all fucked up I am a horrible person. I dont like feeling "off" or drugged up. I like to be sound of mind and body. Being sick is the weirdest feeling to me. You can feel your body struggling to heal and recoup, you can feel your body stepping back from reality so it can muster up its own defenses. I hate being sick. Usually when I am sick I just turn on "The color purple" and cry for two hours.... some how crying makes me feel better when I am sick. Maybe its because watching a movie and crying over the intense emotional BS gives me an excuse to put out the miseravle energies my body is conjuring up. I hate being sick......... yup I am def. Sick..... I have a festival in 6 days...... I cant be sick.

I love you guys........ really I do.

Walking between the worlds prt 1

So I decided I should journal about BTW since that seems to be the fad. Honestly I dont remember a lot about the entire experience. I think I tend to take bits and pieces of an experience with me rather than the entire experience. I didn't take any notes, to which of course I wish I had, and I didn't have much me time, to which I wish I would have pushed for more. I will share with everyone a few memories that really stand out in my mind and made ever lasting impressions that I find both entertaining and educational.

Between the worlds was truly a home coming for me. I was embraced by my fellow homosexual pagans, and I was encouraged, pushed and listened to. It is a great thing when your use of a soap box and a mega phone is drawn out from you and you find yourself walking amongst equals that really do care about what you have to say. My first night in that magical land my eyes met a stranger and his mine. I would have never guessed that I would end up spending the entire week patiently waiting for my chance with him. He was young and strong, stuborn and educated, attractive yet reserved all of which churned in my coffee cup like cream and sugar, embrassing my pallet and encouraging deeper taste. He blew my mind away, and after my long week with him I couldn't help but feeling I met a soul mate. I say that because I believe we have several mates, and that differrent people enter your life with that potential. He was one of them. Our courtship was about as flagrant as peacocks and our intimacy was as wild as snakes, but our minds were constantly in search of a grander understanding of how each other would fit into the big picture, the grander part of the schemes if you will. I met and continue to cherish a man that I will always consider to be if nothing less than an allie, a friend who sees my deeper wells, a man who I will long for.

I was blessed in meeting a man who I will just call Jeff.... Most of you who read this are perfectly aware of who Jeff is, but Jeff made an outstanding impression, one that will always be looked at as inspiration. He has the voice of an angel and the mind of a poet. He shared warmth with me, wine, and ultimately gave me a since of wonder. I could only hope that my future husband, when ever the God's see fit to place us together..... I'm not rushing it, could be just half as sweet as Jeff.

I met one of my personal heroes, some one who I look up to, a world famous author if you will. He was amazing, and his message of reassurance and hope was more than needed, especially during a time when deadlines are approaching. I also met some one who I was ever so surprised to meet, who has a rather close relationship with the world famous author. For my purposes I will just call him the big bad voodoo daddy. The big bad voodoo daddy was a secret messenger in a few ways. Some of the stories he and I shared, some of the hope he gave me I believe didn't come from him, they were all said in such a way that reminds me of an old friend. Again reassurance from a man who not only matches the finest poet in elequence but also a man who I found incredibly goodlooking. Taken, but incredibly good looking. To that regard I also met some one who was also attatched to the world famous author and the big bad voodoo daddy, who I wish like hell I would have gotten to spend more time talking with. I believe that our energies would have blended in a splendid way. He was a genie and oh how I would have loved to been able to share a cup of tea with him.

I shared many experiences with a man who I really can only call "The Sag" because I constantly found myself telling him "Your such a sag!" This man really did make me want to run off into the world of secrets with him. Do the things a good little gypsy boy would never do. But I had made a decision that if that were to happen than it was going to happen, but I was not going to push it. It in deed didnt happen, not in the way I think he and I would have liked. I still find him to be the most intriguing and interesting of all the BTW crew. He was sex, in the darkest places, the most primal of places, leather and sweat, pain and enjoyment. I have no regrets but I wish I would have tasted the darker side a bit more........

The last person I will describe in this journal entry is a force of nature unto himself. He was rain and winds, lightning and thunder, irrepressable in his force, but elegant and out reaching in his words. I can just call him Storm. I think next year I would like to spend more time with Storm. He too was fascinating, he is a leader among the faeries, and should be an author...... I hope he reads that. He was pretty sexy too...... lol.....

Ok I have run out of time for this entry. Excuse my spelling, and of course I hope I didnt offend any one.
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Waiting to exhale

First Live Journal Post.......... I am trying to think of something to write but none the less I couldnt think of anything that would be worth writting. But I did just have a really good idea about taking a polaroid of this very minute. I think pictures are worth more than a thousand words.



            I am sitting in my office. To my left sits the computers and all the certificates of achievement for the employees, to my right is  the door which sits open as a fan blows cool air into my warm and always too-hot-for-comfort office. My desk is loaded down with paper work and the white board is over flowing with mentionings of unfinished projects, "STUFF IT DEVIN" in big red letters, and post-its reminding me of meetings and future past appointments. I am listening to my Pandora which is playing a salty sweet mix of modern celtic and new-age. My shirt is a kelly green wool sweater-I regret this sweater- my jeans are blue and my toes and covered with my orange and white tennis shoes. My mind is floating down the river of illusion and deep thoughts. Wondering how the boy-man that I spent my nights with is coping with his life after our departure, thinking about an up in comming deadline for the new book, and wishing that could have just one more cup of coffee.